Mee My Mo: My life as I know it, breathe it, live it and love it!

Ok , you will not be seeing any photos in this post. The reason is that I am too vain, or maybe I just don't want to embarrass myself. I have a habit of never being satisified with my body and always looking to change it, I have stars in my eyes. In all out fashion I take these "before" pics of myself, knowing I will never look like that again and I will have a record of what I used to look like and feel so proud that I was able to conform myself. I am all about marked progress so I humiliate myself and have my poor hubby or my laughing sis take pics. I will get in the worst sunlight I can find, wear a bikini and take pics of my front, back and each side. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this for the last 13 years. The most recent was just a few weeks ago. I looked at these pics this morning and I look worse today!!!! What the heck happened?! I was exercising and now I am heavier. I have concluded that this is a bad idea, the only way these pics make me feel any better is that maybe in 10 more years I will look at them and say, "Man, I was hot, what was I complaining about?!" I say this because I recently came across just this situation. A "before" pic of me in a bikini outside, once again with Chrissy taking a pic of me. This "before" pic is something I would love to have as my "after" pic now. I need a reality hit and for someone to tell me to just not to that again. I took some "before" pics of myself a little over a year ago and had an extremely embarrassing event take place. You would have thought I would learn my lesson but no, I just keep torturing myself. I was on the computer looking at my "before" pics and was having problems with my computer, so Dhyan is at work and he has the ability to log into my computer and be able to view what I am viewing sitting in his office! He is trying to walk me through some thing and I am getting bored so I start pulling up my before pics. A coworker walks in and Dhyan now has his back to the computer screen and is talking to this guy (I didn't know). So the guy is starting to look uncomfortable and Dhyan turns around to see his wife on the big screen in bikini with everything hanging out! He quickly shuts it down and calls me and lets me know what I was doing. I was mortified! I literally was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do with myself, I just started running around the house in circles screaming as if I could escape. These pics were so raw; cellulite, stretch marks, not bikini ready if you know what I mean. My slideshow of horror was played to this guy (whom we have eaten lunch with and he knows me). But even still this wasn't enough for me to stop doing this. Maybe I am not aging as "graceful" as I can, as I seem to be making more of a spectacle of myself!!